Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Watching you sleep dear child, watching you sleep,

Is making me think, making me weep

I wish I could give you everything that you need dear child,

Why cant I be everything

Times like these are hard, I wish I could be more,

Here i am down on my knees, down on my knees,

begging to that lord up above, if there is someone there,

please help me out,

Couldn't ask for better

All verse:

Today I woke up, light shining in my face,

You were there, arm wrapped around my waist,

All chorus:

I couldn’t ask for a better man to hold me tight,­­

You were there for me through the long and lonely nights,

My tears are wiped away with the gentleness of your fingertips,

My heart is warmed with the touch (no strum) of your kiss

When I have a bad day, you’re the person I think to call,

I can’t wait to see your face, You make my worries dissipate,


You build me up when life feels worthless, you are the light shining through my black clouds

I can’t imagine, life without you,my dreams are nightmares if you aren’t in them.

when time get hard, I want you near me

When I’m with you, you make my heart feel complete,


I couldn’t ask for a better man to hold me tight,

You were there for me through the long, long nights,

My tears are wiped away with the gentleness of your fingertips,

My heart is warmed with the touch (no strum) of your kiss

Saturday, November 13, 2010

I haven't seen your face in quite a while,
I often wonder if ill feel the same,
The way you made me feel when you were around,
If I remember right it was wonderful.
I know you've found yourself a beautiful life,
all the pictures show your bright smile,
And if you're really in love I wish you the best,
But sometimes I wish I could have been then one,

Oh how they times they change,
we go our ways,
but I'll never forget,
The time we spent,
When you held me tight *when you held me tight*
The look in your eye *the look in your eyes*
The way I wished,
Our time wouldn't end.
Oh how they times they change,
we go our ways,
but I'll never forget,
The time we spent,

So here i am sitting on my porch,
remincing about the old good time,
I remember the day we laid on the grass,
talking about the sky and all the stars,
you told me never to change who I am,
because I wasn't the typical girl,
I may have taken you for granted then,
but if i could take it back I would.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Losing it

I've been living my life the same,
each day is a crying shame.
I drench my mind in my blame,
and let the alcohol take my pain.

I can't find where I went wrong,
Trying to make my life stay strong,
I lose myself in every drink,
helping me not to think.

The water fills,
I start to drift,
close my eyes,
my body sinks,
letting go,
of all I've got,
The strength subsides,
and I'm gone.

I know I'm all alone,
it's every man on their own,
Deep in thought, I will not lie,
I'm kind of wishing i would die.

The water fills,
I start to drift,
close my eyes,
my body sinks,
letting go,
of all I've got,
The strength subsides,
and I'm gone.

My days are all the same,
In this redundant shame,
I need to make a change,
But I'd rather walk away.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Seriously irritated with people

I have come to a point where I am done with dramatic. annoying people. I am tired of people who make a huge deal out of something when it is equally their fault as well, well whatever the outcome was. On top of that i am tired of men in general making me feel like a piece of shit. Yes I may be called "passive aggressive" or possibly even "cold-hearted". To be honest the passive aggressive comes from dealing with men that have glass hearts and can't seem to take things with out making a huge deal out of EVERYTHING. I would rather face someone face to face and try to avoid confrontation and hurt feelings. Right now i just really need to vent because I'm fucking tired of it. I am a person also, so instead of thinking of yourself maybe actually call me up and talk to me and ask me what i am thinking because honestly I am a fucking nice person and I do the most i can to try and make people happy and people like you just bring me down. So it comes down to saying good bye and fuck you to those few I have held on to for way to damn long.

I wont be here when you say sorry for the millionth time. I'm done trying to make you happy and make sure you are taken care of, just move on with you life and possibly forget we ever had anything intimate because I am trying to do that myself and at times some of you make me wish I would have never met you.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

happy ** song in progress

I have never, seen you so damn happy,
Your eyes shining brighter than my cars headlights,
You're looking at me, like someone just smacked you,
But you can't seem to tell me, why you're happy.

I just want to hear from lips that it's me,
because you make me happier, than I'll ever be.
and when I'm with you, I can simply be me,
And it feels so perfect, having you here with me.

I feel like we have, known each other for so many years,
and when you hold me, my heart beats, uncontrollably,
I wish you would just tell me what you're thinking,
This silent staring is starting to drive me crazy.

and maybe if we stop playing these games we'll be happy together,
and we can stop pretending we like being alone, because I don't
The way you are looking at me makes me think you want me, i know i want you.
and I know that, I want this like you do, i kind of like you.

I have never, seen you so damn happy,
Your eyes shining brighter than my cars headlights,
You're looking at me, like someone just smacked you,
But you can't seem to tell me, why you're happy.

Friday, August 27, 2010

You and I

** another work in progress for a song im writing**

You and I laying hand in hand,
Im mesmorized by your glance,
here laying in your arms
I cant imagine a better place to land

And every moment spent with you,
is always better than the last,
Im entangles by the thought of you
I dont want this to end.

You and I are so close to being something incredible,
I dont want to see us fall apart like the rest,
You and I are something everyone dreams of,
and You and I are....meant to be one.

You have the best of me,
As I lay here next to you,
My heart is beating out of control,
As you are pulling me close.

Everything we have been through,
Has only made us better now,
I can't imagine anyone,
to spend this moment with.

You and I are so close to being something incredible,
I dont want to see us fall apart like the rest,
You and I are something everyone dreams of,
and You and I are....meant to be one.

Monday, August 23, 2010

**work in progress for a song im writing**

i can see in your eyes you want to say good bye

and no matter what I say your car is stuck in drive,

Im begging for you to stay, stick around and try,

but you have one foot out the door

the tears in my eyes cant seem to justify,

that we are worth the fight.

Please, I'm begging you to not let go,

Our years thrown down the drain, where do i go,

My life ending, without you theres no me,

You keep pushing me away, not giving us a chance be

What did i do wrong,

is there someone new,

Please tell me its ok, if youre happy ill walk away

I promise I wont make you cry again.

Im on my knees please stay with me,

Please baby, Don't leave me!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

This world, that world, our world

It never comes with a reason,
The way things happen,
The good,
The bad,
The things that make your stronger,
The things that make you weaker.

Holding back from those things you need,
Go after the things you want,
We can't describe our irresponsibility's,
Why we leave our friends in the dust,
For something we "think" might be love,
but it's lust.

We are scavengers for ourselves,
and leave behind those that matter,
Through time some of us grow,
and some of us learn,
That there is more to life that what can be seen.

If you look at certain people,
You can see they see the world spinning around them,
Life revolving around what they call living,
Then you can look at another person,
See how they view the world differently,
They try and connect with the world,
The people,
The love,
The hate,
For everyone.

It is honestly not something we can ever get ride of,
As much as we try,
We write,
We sing,
We paint,
We create,
Something that bring to light the negativity's of this world,
These things wont change,
We will always have someone,
Who we are fighting to help the rediscover,
What "we" see fit in life.

delusional bitch

You are delusional, captured by the lies you live,
pretending to be good and honest,
only to be hiding yourself inside.

You creep and stalk,
holding yourself back from greatness,
Your angry wrath hold you back from real life,
You strive to fight and argue,
never giving into what is real life.

You creep around,
stalking those that "disappoint" you,
or better said,
those who find out who you really are.

D is for dangerous, delusional, distracted, disappointment,
every one of those words spell you,
you drip with disappointment,
you ooze selfish nature.

You create fictitious stories in your mind,
blinded by the misted mirror,
you look through the dark and see what you think is beauty,
but its blurred,
if you were to wipe away the mist,
all you would find is horror.

You wont change,
You cover your emotional and physical scares,
but honey, that wont hide your ugliness.
You're just a delusional bitch.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


You are so fickle,
you jump in and out,
Pretending to understand what you are doing.

You spit our hypocrisies,
Jumping from side to side,
never really knowing where to land.

You frustrate me,
To the point where I don't even want you around,
I don't want to see you,
Talk to you,
Touch you.

You are a cluster fuck of emotions,
You drown yourself in loneliness,
Never even a glimpse outside,
Never, really, opening your eyes.

Yet you speak of wanting more,
Someone who completes you,
You will never find completion while locked up in your darkness.

You say you don't like most people,
I think the problem is most people can't even like you,
They try to open you up,
See you and be a part of your life,
but all you do is push everyone away.

How can you ever have anything, when you won't let anything in?

Friday, June 25, 2010

No one but you breaks me down

No one knows how to break me down the way you do,
You pull me in when you need me,
and spit me out when you're done.

You seem to slowly unravel the strings that hold my life together,
Reaching out your hand when you need help,
but pulling it back just in time to watch me fall.

I wish there was away to erase the past,
because you are the only regret in my life.

You make me feel worthless and used,
Like I was some fun game for you,
Someone you wanted to watch fall apart,
you succeeded,
you win.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Creep into my mind

You silently creep into my thoughts,
Always seem to have a way with me,
The connection we have makes it hard to breath when you are near,
but I wish I could just walk away and forget about the passion,
The heart,
The feelings.

I wish you would stop looking at me the way you do,
Pulling me near you even when I sit so far away,
Looking at me like you care and love me,
The way I feel you do,
A type of connection most people long for,
That makes me feel like I need you.

I can't seem to feel or think about anyone they way I do you,
You have me wrapped around your fingers,
Even though you can be so cocky and bull headed,
I see past all that bullshit,
There is something deep to you,
Something no one sees,
But believe it or not I can see it,
I can feel it,
I can feel you.

Beyond your selfish,
Self centered world,
there is someone who truly cares,
Someone who wants to let go and let people in,
Let me in.

And you scare me,
In a way that is indescribable...

I don't want to feel the way I feel about you,
It's dangerous,
We are dangerous.

And regardless of me knowing this,
I still want you,
and I still can't get you out of my mind.
Not even for just a night.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Lonliness that Can't be Fixed

She gets dressed up to make a scene,
Procrastinating all her daytime deeds,
Her stilettos are on and stockings pulled tight,
She's ready to take someone home tonight.

She presses the red coloring to her lips,
Paints her face of different colors,
All just to stand out to the crowd.

Strutting in she makes her marks,
Deciding who will be her prey,
She belong to no one right now,
And She makes it known.

The night is young and she poisons her body,
Every alcohol to help her forget,
Every drug to help her accept.

When the night is done,
She's met her "match".
She drags him to her car,
Takes him for a drive,
She's ready to finish the night.

He lays her down and pulls her around,
She isn't herself,
but she is happier this way.

The blur of the night is done,
She looks to her right,
He pulls up his jeans,
Kisses her forhead goodbye.

No number on the table,
Nothing in the phone,
Just one night of fun,
And once again she's alone.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Numbness enraptures my body,
The waves of sweat drip down my face,
My heart is pounding rapidly,
My body is shacking intensely.

Faith dissipates with my overwhelming desires,
My eyes are hypnotized by the beauty,
The sensual feelings make me lose myself.

With your warm breath down my neck,
My eyes slowly close,
I am immersed by your sweet scent,
our sweet scent.

Your arms cradle around my back gently,
My lips slowly caress your lower ear lob,
Our bodies begin to entangle themselves closer,
No one is around,
Nothing is as beautiful,
Nothing can compare.

Monday, May 31, 2010


It's weird the type of pull you have on me,
and to be honest,
I'm tired of love,
I'm tired of thinking I can be with someone and make it work.

I feel scared at the possibilities of you and I,
You are beautiful,
and I feel you completely,
everything about you,
your sadness, happiness, your heart,
you're amazing.

I can't believe what you do to me,
The way you make the world stop,
the way i just want to be with you until the night ends,
I long to have you hold me.

Your voice comforts me and I feel safe and secure around you,
even when you say or do things that drive me crazy,
I still am pulled towards you.

You have now made my life a little more complicated,
but I like it,
I like you,
and even if nothing ever happens,
I think I could be ok with that,
Just as long as I can hold on to the way you make me feel.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Moment After

I seem to be having those "moment after" feelings quite often. I say or do something that really hurts someones feelings or pushes them away and think after, "what the hell Lindsay, you need to fix this." It's never something horribly rude where someone is left crying or physically hurt; It is usually something selfish. Something where I seem to care more about myself than this other person. It's rude really, and makes me upset with myself. Today I am having the "moment after" feeling.

If you know me or keep up with my blogging, I quit drinking for a short period of time, and now I hardly drink when I do. Well that leads to a low tolerance of alcohol. The hard thing for me, is something that sits in the back of my mind eats at me more when I drink. I went out last night and had a few drinks. I wasn't hammered at all, not even close, but I was tipsy. So, because of this, my current worries about my relationship started suffocating my thoughts. First thing I brought up when I started talking to my boyfriend was "why are we together?" I kept bringing up how he was leaving Seattle eventually and I don't plan on moving, so what is the point of dating. It's like I lost all respect for our relationship and him. Then I pouted the night away, basically being a real bitch, while his true colors showed. You know what? He is an incredibly amazing man. Not once did he call me a name or yell at me or anything. Now I feel even worse for how I treated him.

He went to work early this morning, and I haven't had a chance to talk to him all day about last night. I am really hoping he understands and forgives me. I ended up doing what I do best and pulled out my pencil and notebook and wrote him a letter. I explained myself the best I could without leaving myself too vulnerable (not sure I'm totally ready to expose myself).

I know a letter is so lame and cliche, but it's the best way to get my thoughts out. I just left the note tucked between his door knob and door jam. I guess I hope he will read it and be forgiving and then everything can move on. Who knows though really, I mean I should have been more respectful and apologized the minute I knew he would be up for work. I should have said sorry because no one deserves to be treated like that. Granted, it wasn't like I screamed at him or called him names I just pushed him away. Something I seem to be good at when I am afraid of approaching a situation like a grown up adult.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Recent Thoughts

I read something recently on a craigslist post, it sincerely hit home. I copy and pasted it for you all to read:

I hate my life. I hate fucking up. I hate missed chances to grow up. I hate you. I hate the government's recklessness with peoples lives. I hate deception. I hate the idea of money. I hate bad people. I hate school. I hate greed. I hate the greed associated with money. I hate getting nothing in return. I hate the oil companies. I hate animal abusers. I hate people who lie that are not white lies & fuck you over. I hate girls in general after they all were the ones who cheated/lied/broke up the relationship. I hate not getting into college. I hate having to play catch up when it comes so easily to other people. I hate fake friends. I hate feeling greedy and dirty for wanting money for everyday things. I hate hangovers. I hate the way the world is headed. I hate being who I am and not who I want to be. I hate every little thing I fucked up/did wrong in the last 5+ years. I hate dwelling on shit I should have moved past years ago. I hate not being able to grow up. I hate the false idea of lasting love. I hate people who don't value life. I hate other people who don't get life's small pleasures. I hate employers who take every advantage they can from their employees. I hate that people all over the world want to kill one another over stupid shit like religion and money. I hate coming home and not having food ready after working hard. I hate people who are 2 faced. I hate Seattle and the depression that comes with living in such a fucking shitty place all your life.

It is a bit depressing but it got me to thinking, I feel the same way. The world seems greedy and selfish. I see friends, family, and all other people around me put themselves first. I remember a long time ago a family member telling me,

"why would you stick up for your friend or lie for your friend to keep them out of trouble? In the end they would never do it for you."

Although I have experienced this statement to be mainly true; I have also experienced a positive outcome from being the compassionate and caring person that I think I am today. I may let people walk all over me at times (although I am working on having a limit), I may have friends or family who take advantage of my kindness, and I know that I have a lot of family and friends who disrespect me, but I am not going to let that change how I am.

More of what this post on Craigslist showed me was that we can't ever change these things. Although I completely agree with this poster almost 100%, there is nothing we can do to change this or to change people. I find myself trying though. For so long I have tried to have people in my life (family and friends) respect me and love me, but I keep being let down by them. I remember just recently waking up and thinking to myself,

"There is nothing I can do, they will always treat me like this and they will never treat me out they treat certain other people in their lives. They have pushed me away, it's time to let go."

So I have, and it's weird but for these few people, I almost feel like I don't know them anymore. All they do is disappoint me and bring me down and to be quite honest make me fee like a piece of shit. I know who I am and I am proud of who I have become and the life I lead. Yes, I make mistakes and bad choices. I have done some things in my life that I don't usually speak of and that I would never refer to as my shinning moments, but I learned from those mistakes, and I have done what I can to make myself stronger. I think I have learned from family and friends and thank those who have helped get me to where I am, but I also know that the shitty choices my family and friends have made are what helped me make some of my positive choices.

I'm thankful for those in my life who have stuck by me from day one, saw me through my hardest moments and helped push me to the other side, those that were there for the good times and that bad, and spoke good of me even when I wasn't what they expected me to be, or doing what they expected me to do. Those that appreciated that I would make my own choices and that I would have to deal with the outcome, but that they would still have my back either way. I know who they all are; and I love each and every one of them for being that special person in my life.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Outsider

From the day you entered my life I was destined to be the outsider,
You took away my life, my heart, my strength,
everything about you reeks of greed.

You claimed us as your own, changed our name, changer 'our' ways,
You made us yours and kept us under your command for years.

I was afraid to change, to be me, to explore, to be free,
You made me this way.

No one saw what I saw,
yet I accepted you and loved you and probably always will.

No one sees what I see,
The hurt, pain, neglect, and shame you put on us.

No one feels what I feel,
Distant, alone, separated, hurt.

You did this to us and to me,
yet I don't blame you,
I only keep wishing for the day you will pick up the phone and call,
The day you will apologize for what you have done,
The day you will grow up and become an adult and realize your faults.

Your faults don't make you a bad person, and it's ok to admit you have them,
What makes you a bad person is the blame you put on everyone around.

You blame me for the past, for the present, for the future,
You forget all the things I have done to get me where I am,
All the things I have endured,
The tears, the blood, the pain, the rejections.
All the other people that you want to accept you,
They all get your attention,
but those who have accepted you from day one,
Get turned away and put down,
Left to be forgotten.

I have chosen to let go,
I'm tired of holding on to you,
Tired of pretending that you will see who I am and love me for me,
I'm tired of feeling worthless and unsatisfied with myself.
Maybe one day you will see what you lost.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Circled by a selfish world

A realization about people has struck me,
People can be selfish and self centered,
Focused on their own life and their own outcomes,
Forgetting about those around them,
and the respect others deserve.

People like this can make you feel worthless,
easily sacrificed,
I guess in a sense,
when put in that position,
You are in the end,
giving that person the happiness they are looking for,
giving them their own self satisfaction,
just by standing still and accepting their bull shit.

Do people change?
Do people even care to want to be good to those around them?
Sometimes I feel like questions like that don't exist in a self immersed world.

So many times have I been told:
"forget about them, they wouldn't be there for you",
"worry about yourself, no on else REALLY cares",
ect. ect. ect.
I continue to lend a hand out,
be the shoulder to lean on,
catch those when they fall,
yet here I am sprawled on the ground,
looking straight through the double sided mirror,
I see them, I scream, I wave, I reach out,
Yet they walk on past.

It can be a sad world when a heart is empty,
and when a soul is cold.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Unexplainable

Sometimes life can't explain the little things that can make you happy.
Something or someone can come out of know where and just make you smile.
The world can feel lonely at times,
and depression can have you at your worst,
but then out of nowhere,
the unexplainable snaps life back into you.

Something that makes your realize,
that life isn't as short as you thought it was,
that it's ok to be happy,
it's ok to smile,
It's ok to not let your bad days get you down.

Sometimes happiness can come at a price.

Whether the price invloves money, future heartache, or other pain,
Sometimes for the slight time,
it's all worth it regardless of the outcome,
it's like that little high.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Shout out To my friends Blog

My friend recently started a blog about Technology. It is a review type site, that gathers and discusses opinions on new technological advances in society. Please, if you get a chance, check it out, leave a comment, take a quiz, or leave your opinion. It can get you away from my depressing shit for a day hahaha!

The site is: .


I lay here as mascara bleeds down my face,
You pin me down, grasp my wrists,
You won't let me go, and I feel alone.

It hurts...the way you make me feel,
You use and abuse me as if I were a doll.
I feel wrothless and disappointed by you.

I try to scream but the alcohol drowns out my voice,
You ignore my tears and continue to push yourself on to me,
You won't let me go, and I can't struggle myself free.

You attack me and contort my body against yours,
No matter how hard I pull,
You have all the control.

Finally, I give up and give in to your power,
You win and I'm wishing I was dying.

You smile and I cringe and you know what you've done,
You're like a drug, an addiction, that I can't shake free from.

The Let Down

The feeling is sensational,
The way someone can make you feel amazing,
butterflies fluttering in your stomach,
Smiles elongated across your face,
Rosy cheeks, and bright eyes,
Everything feels right.

Then the day comes,
The spit in the face,
The fall from the clouds,
Push down the stairs,
Rain drops from the heavens.
They let you down.

You had let yourself go,
Gave it a chance,
Put faith in more time,
Now you're left all alone,
Knees tucked into chest,
Tears trailing across your skin.

Maybe you aren't so much sad,
More so confused...
Thoughts linger through your mind,
Your body shows confusion,
Lost faith, lost hope, lost trust, lost drive.

Letting go maybe be easy,
but moving on is hard.

Forgetting all those feelings isn't as hard as you though,
but getting them back is harder than you remember.

Lust and love are no longer good feelings,
they turn into dreams, lies, and wishes.

The let down, the break up, the split...
The end.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


You wear a ironed on smile every time you pass by,
I see you, and get goosebumps with every fictitious lie.
You pretend to know and like everyone,
Then you turn around and pretend to dislike me,
just to fit in.

You are no better than everyone else,
in fact you make yourself worse.
Being "cool" is a game to you,
Being "known" is a part of your life.
But your age weighs you down,
and you look like a god damn fool.

You are tied down by your appearance,
refuse to dissolve what weighs you down,
what goes around comes around,
I can't say I won't laugh a little inside,
to you see you crumble and fall,
and possibly alone.
At the same time,
I feel a little bad,
but I won't reach out to help you,
You have to learn to help yourself first.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Scared By You

You try to control my emotions,
the way I feel for you,
When will you understand,
Nothing will ever become of you and me,
You need to leave me alone.

You try to play a role in my life,
Like you are the man and I am your woman,
That will never be,
And you try and control me with your words,
and with your heart,
I wish you would see, it doesn't work.

Please leave me alone,
Go on with your life,
You scare me,
and silently threaten me.

I am scared but not so scared to not ask for help.

I can see your lies and they way you twist words,
I am not as dumb as I may seem,
I can see past you, and right through you, and I wont let you win.

You can leave and live your own life, because I don't want you around,
Your negative energy brings me down, pulls me apart,
and I have been trying too hard to see if there was any good in you.
I don't see any good in you, and I need to give that up.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


You are so Selfish,
All you think about is money and you!

You wonder why I left and what you did wrong,
maybe if you opened you re eyes you would see who you really are,
You and your friends have always been number one,
You make yourself seem like such a good guy,
but you can't wake up and make changes to make yourself a better person.

You bring me down, trying to rip me apart.
Go ahead, I'm done with you shit,
I'm moving on and I'm forgetting about the good,
You have left me with so much pain,
so much confusion, and so much regret.
I never believed in regret until I met you.

You have always had the easy road the one that takes you to where you want to go,
You have never had to work for anything, so you never even worked for us.

You pretend like you have no idea why I hurt and why I am mad,
You are an idiot,
think about what you said, think about the things you have done.
You don't say thank you, you don't say please,
You just expect things to work out your way,
and when they don't you act like a baby.

Wipe your tears, grow some balls, and be a man.
Or do you even know what it means to be a man?

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

what brings you around?

What is it that draws you to me?
What makes you need me?
You come when you want to and seem to disregard what I need.
You are selfish and self centered, consumed by yourself.
You look past everyone to stare in the mirror.

When things seem to go normal,
you up and leave,
no calls answered, no messages left, you are just gone.
I guess I'm not what you need right now,
I think I don't ever want to be what you need.

I wish you would leave for good,
shut the door, turn the lock, keep me out.
Don't come back, don't turn around.
Keep walking.

You have yourself, and that's all you'll need,
So don't drag me down anymore.

If you taught me one thing,
it was,
Not to trust my heart,
because it can't see past a mans bullshit.

I hope you are happy,
as a pawn in your game,
You will never be a king,
No matter how are you try,
because you can't even keep a queen,
and this is goodbye!

Monday, March 15, 2010

You're Gone

It's been a long time,
Since you left me,
and I've been waiting,
So patiently,
but you're still gone,
I haven't heard from you,

I miss you so much,
I wish you missed me too.

I thought we had something,
I thought we were something,
the way you kissed me,
the way you looked at me,
You made me feel special,
We made such sweet love,
We were once one,
and now we're unspun.

you once told me,
I was amazing,
You loved to watch me,
but what happened,
you just disappeared,
you took the good stuff,
and skipped the scene.


This seemed so Easy,
like the stars aligned,
just for you and me,
in our moment in time,
but now I'm left here,
bleeding tragedy,
all over this floor,
So whats wrong with me.

[chorus x's 2]

Friday, March 12, 2010

2 am heartbeat revisited

As we stand here, I'm wrapped in your arms,
It's 2am as you're holding me near,
believe it or not, I wish time would stop,
I've never had anyone make me feel this way.

You're amazing, You're like the stars in the sky,
As you hold me, on this January night.
You're amazing, You're the light in my life,
As you stand here, by my side.

You ask to keep me, but I'm already yours,
Since the first day I saw you, looking at me.
That's the day I, never wanted to say goodbye,
Because you were, already mine.


You stole my heart, from the first minute on,
You said you'd , do anything to prove everyone wrong,
cause I was worth it, and you're worth this song.
So let's burn like hell, until our fire is gone.

I guess regardless of whatever comes next,
You're amazing, and I'll never forget,
The night you held me, at 2am.
You kissed my forehead, I wished it would never end.

Yes you're amazing, and I'll always be yours,
And I've never anyone, make me feel this way.

Drinking You Away

Everything you said, keeps running through my head,
Maybe you were right,
Maybe black is white.

Maybe I'll never be good enough,
Maybe I'll never be smart enough,
Maybe I'll never be your type,
Maybe I don't give a shit tonight.

While my mind is on you,
I got you on my cross hairs on him,
While I finish my shot of Beam,
I'm planning my sin.


He's throwing me around, like you used to do.
He's ripping off my clothes, like you used to do.
He's kissing me up and down, like you used to do.
He's better than you, ever thought you were.

So bartender says last call,
I'm in the bathroom stall,
Hugging my man so tight,
chiseled out of porcelain white.


Everything you said, keeps running through my head
Maybe you were right,
Maybe black is white.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Sometimes people can make you feel empty and alone,
like they aren't listening, like they don't care.

Often times you can have a passenger in your car,
but feel as though you are driving alone on a dark road.

You can be walking down streets filled with people,
and not hear a sound.

Every word spoken is hollow, meaningless, and dead.
It's cold and harmless but still hurtful.


Then you begin to not listen to them,
You block out their words and their ideas,
You just want to be alone,
and feel as though you have for so alone...for so long.

You dangle on the thought of their being more,
more love, more warmth, more compassion...
But you are alone and so are they,
even when you are right next to each other,
you both are so alone.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

New Blog

Hi to all my blog followers! So I have decided to make another blog. This one will stay up but I want to mainly focus on my lyrics and poems on this blog. I have started a Dating blog page basically about my dating experiences and my friends if they would like to share, dating websites, maybe some advice, from me or others, on dating, and other things that pertain to the single dating world. This is something I have been wanting to do for a while because I have gone on a lot of dates and I have so many friends that tell me relationship stories and dating stories that I think it may be fun to have this blog. The page it You can feel free to send me stories you want posted but I will not include the real names of anyone that I post stories about unless they specifically tell me to share their names. I will be open with telling people if it was a date that I went on but I wont reveal the identity of my daters.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and I'm sure I will. :)


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Invisible Neglected Supporter

Sometimes she feels like the invisible supporter,
She is always there, supporting and lending an ear,
and when they ask for advice she gives it.

Sometimes when the table is turned,
There is no one there to support her,
She feels alone, unwanted.

She watches people choose these bad people,
these bad choices, over good choices and it hurts her,
it hurts her to see them fail, continually.
Even though they could pick the great potential choices,
they choose the ones that bring them down.

She tries to close her eyes, hide the bad, see past them.
She can't ever get "past them".
They are a part of her and always will be.
People tell her to separate herself from them,
"it's not your life, it's not your worry"
but regardless of what they say,
she continues to care.

She knows there has to be a point where she lets go,
She moves on,
She lets them have their life with out letting it destroy hers,
will she, can she find it?

Bad Days

Bad days are like car crashes at the end of a great day,
It's like the world stops moving for the brief second,
and the only thing you can see is negative situation,
nothing else.

Bad days wrap around your mind,
intermingling itself through out your blood cells,
controlling your body, your thoughts, your ideas.

Sometimes, bad days blind you,
Forcing you only to see the bad.
You walk past all the good and walk past all the beauty,
only seeing dark.

The bad days can make choices harder to make,
they can make the day seem long and endless,
and at times you will feel like the world is against you,
like no one care about you,
or even wants to help you.

Bad days suck, and the only way past them is the next day,
and hoping that the next day will be a good day.
I hope tomorrow will be a better day!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Last Two Days

It overwhelms me,
The people around me are opening my eyes,
Who can you trust anymore,
And is there such thing as love,
I don't know know that I believe there is.

Heartbreak, sadness, loneliness...
deceit, infidelity, spiteful...

You people break down our walls,
We open up,
We let you in,
And then when it all comes crashing down,
You leave us there and blame us.

We are better without you though,
We will push on,
We will be happy,
We deserve better,
And you are nothing to us anymore.

Selfish, hurtful, and now single.
You will never find happiness until you fix who you are,
And you will never be with anyone and until you open your eyes,
And learn to respect the ones that treat you right.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Who Are You?

Messages sent from an unusual number,
Familiarity with the sequence,
I know who you are but can't put a face or name to you,
You seem distant, yet close.
You fail to reveal who you are.

You dodge obvious questions,
and reply less often with the simplest answers,
There is love in your messages,
Love and Respect.

Who are you?
What do you mean to me?
Why wont you tell me?

The words I read dance in my mind.
Skipping around too quickly for me to catch.
I just want to remember,
Why have I blocked you out?
There must be some reason...
Even though you deny ever hurting me.

I continue to question,
eventually giving up and saying goodbye,
leaving one more guess open.
Maybe I can figure you out...
Maybe you are waiting for me to figure you out...

Us And The World

The world can sometimes be a horrible place.
People disrespect the ones they love.
Instead of helping by sending money to pay rent and bills, they wait until the other person blows their head off then spends that money to fly down and bury the person.
You see lovers beating each other, abandoning each other, hating each other, but staying together.

People don't ever really LISTEN anymore, they just hear.
People don't really SEE anymore, they just look.
WE THE PEOPLE, look past all the beauty in the world to the thing we want.
We take for granted the things we need to survive.

We give up on people and take words too seriously, or not seriously enough.
There is never a middle ground anymore, we separate ourselves from the world all together.
We all want to be different than who we really are.
We want to be prettier, skinner, have bigger boobs.
Different jobs, cars, houses, lovers, ect.

We NEVER really try anymore.
Divorce is an easy word now, we throw it around like a baseball.
Sex is hardly about passion or love, it is revolved around lust, desire, or need.

And LOVE, love is not usually enjoyed or held on to.
We hardly call or visit our children, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles anymore.
Our lives are more important.
And, instead of making a 5 to 10 minute phone call to just say "hi, I love you", we flip on the TV or pop in a video game.

We have forgotten about the important things in life, and we forgot to enjoy life.
And we don't live forever!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Life Standing Still....

Sitting in the bathtub, trying to ignore the screams below.
I hear things being tossed around, loud bangs, a deep voice, hate, pain.
The door slams, garage opens, car pulls out, and from below she screams.
I jump up, wrap the towel around me, water dripping from all limbs and from my hair.
I unlock the door, swing it open, and dash down the stairs.

Suddenly, I stop at the stair case landing and stare.
I'm scared, I'm hurt.
I feel the world stop, I feel my heart beat, and I feel time go in slow motion.

I see red, and she is crying.
My knees get weak, and I drop to the ground.
I try to compose myself but I can't think.
I cry out to her, I crawl down the stairs gripping the towel with one hand.
I have to save her, she has to be ok.

The red slithers through the parts in the tile.
Thump, thump, heart.
Drip, drop, tears.
She is on her knees, trying to clean up the mess, not aware of her pain.
I wish this would go away, but she's alive, she is still here, I haven't lost her yet.
I still have time to save her.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Controlling Her

Walls come down around her, letting the darkness in to surround her.
She has her arms wrapped tightly around her scared knees,
Her heart is breaking as the tears are lingering on the way down her cheek.
She takes a deep breath, trying to hold back the hurt, the pain, the disappointment.

He always lets her down, never staying true to what he promises.
He doesn't respect her for who she is, he expects her to be who he wants.
Pointing out her flaws and "disfunctions", never seeing her beauty and heart.
Calling her names, beating her down, he controls what they are, and he controls who she will be.
She isn't alone in this world, but she is blinded by his wrath.
Too caught up to see past him, to the ones who accept who she is.
Friends begin to avoid her, to them she brings on depression and delusion.
They want her to leave, and they know it would be best but she continues to say.
She puts up with his abuse in more ways than one and can't break free.
She corners herself, leaving no way out, and she only cares for what they COULD have.
He promises change, he promises hope for the future, but he means nothing he says.
His selfish rage leaves no room for growth, and they are going no where, just a dead end road.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Worth trying?

There always seems to come times in my life where I honestly wonder, is this worth trying for? It happens in relationships, work, friends, and many other things. It is something that I struggle with, trying to recognize what is really something that will benefit me or what is something that might just bring me down.

This move to Seattle was a huge choice. That was something I really thought about and contemplated whether it was worth the move or not. So far it has been completely worth it. Then there was the split with my ex and whether or not it was worth trying again for, that ended up being shot down and we quickly realized that wouldn't work.

My latest battle is whether some of the dates I have been on are worth anything more than just a date. Most of the guys are great people, someone I could see myself being good friends with. A few are assholes that I have to just cut from my life. Then there is the much hated friend zone dates. The people you date that deserve a great girlfriend because they are nice, stable, and just real people; but no matter how you look at the person you see no physical or mental connection, not an ounce of chemistry. This drives me insane! I seem to cling to the selfish, egotistical man that could care only about himself and cares more about his personal belongings than having an actual relationship/friendship with anyone. This describes my man hunting skills.
So then I run into the guy that is just a down to earth, nice guy and there is no attraction. Why? I feel like I am the reason for the stereotype "girls date the bad boys". So maybe Mr. Nice guy will not be the right guy for me? Although, I keep wanting someone that can treat me right. So I give the "nice guys" a chance, thinking just maybe something will spark and that maybe this feeling just takes time, but its so uncomfortable and awkward. It becomes one of the underlining questions, "is it really worth trying?"
My friends advice on the situation is usually if you don't like him just tell him and leave it at that. My question is, what if there could be something more? I have seen many people who meet someone they don't see themselves with and in the end they fall madly in love and can't spend their lives without the other person. So if I walk away from these "nice guys" and not give them a chance, will I be missing out?
It definitely isn't an easy question to answer, because giving them a chance could lead them to think I am using them for free dinner or a free date. This is not something I want to be portrayed as, although I don't mind the free meals and date, it's just not my intention.
I guess that question, "is it worth it?" will just always linger until I actually give someone a chance and see where things can lead.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The Breakups

The Breakup...that word can make most people uncomfortable. It is one of those things that everyone deals with since the moment they become interested in men and woman on an emotional level. I believe I started being attracted to the opposite sex when I was 10, I dated a young boy named Chase. He was in my class, and we were so called "boyfriend and girlfriend", if you can call it that in elementary school. I was the one to dump him. I don't remember what I said but I can recall that it wasn't fun nor easy, but it seemed more hard for him. Then from that moment on, I realized I would never be dumped.
I had boyfriends for most of my life. I was referred to as the heart breaker by my father. I always broke it off when things got to serious. All through junior high and high school I dreaded the sex talk or anything in a relationship that moved in that direction, so I would end it. I'm sure my dad really liked that I had control of that aspect.

So because I was always the dumpee, when I first got dumped it was crushing. I dated this guy named Greg. He was two years older than me, and I was a senior in high school. I really liked him. We didn't sleep together but our relationship got further than most and then one day he just said, "Lindsay it isn't working out." I was so baffled. How did he dump me? I would call him and stop by the gym to see if I could make it work and he would just continue to shut me down. It was horrible, but from that moment on it was like the next to boys I dated had the upper hand. Dumped by three boys my senior year of high school. I thought my life was ending.

Then into my first year in college, I took control again. I didn't have a boyfriend. I didn't want one. I wanted control, so when it felt like I was in a relationship with someone, I would remind them that we were just dating, that it was nothing serious. Once again I regained my self dignity and became the dumpee once more.
This didn't last long though. I moved back home a year later and started dating my first serious boyfriend. 19 years old and thought I found "the one". I laugh now when I think about it, because we were not right for each other. We ended up being together for about a year and living together for most of that year. At the time, I would have done anything to make that relationship work. Even when I found out I was cheated on, I pretended it never happened. Him and I are friends now and even his wife and I. I have moved past that time, but when it occurred I was devastated. How could I be cheated on and dumped? Wasn't I suppose to dump someone who cheated on me? It was just unimaginable to me. Finding the dinner ticket from the date they went on, him lying to me for months about it, and then coming home to all my personal belongings waiting at the bottom of the stairs, he wouldn't even look at me, and he cheated on me. That was my first real breakup and my first real heartache, and even though I am way past that, I will always remember it.
I think that is how love is though. You remember the things that hurt the most, and the ones you loved the most. Currently I have been single for a year. I was married 3 years prior. I met him shortly after my last break up. I was pregnant with my ex's child and quite lonely. I love my ex-husband very much, but at time I see how we rushed everything. We wanted it to work so bad for my son and for us, but we fell apart. This was the hardest dump I have ever done. I remember the night pretty vividly. I was on the computer late at night and he came out and said, "what's wrong? You don't come to be anymore and you are never around." I just broke down crying, I wasn't in love with him anymore and that was the hardest thing to tell him. We went to counseling, we talked, and we dated more. Something for me was missing. I had completely given up on any hope of it working out, because I wanted that feeling again, and I was almost 100% sure we could never get it back.

We moved on and have been single for a year. I love him dearly, he is my best friend. Things changed though, and my perspective on love and relationships is so different now. I am not looking for marriage like I always thought I wanted, what every girl and woman wants. I just want a good relationship. Someone who makes me happy, someone I can spend time with and have a good time. I like laughing and I get tired of crying or being let down, so my expectations are so different now. When I date, I find it hard to turn someone down and tell them I'm not interested, I don't want to hurt them, but at the same time, I can usually tell by the second date if they are my type. So after that second date, my version of the breakup comes in. I talk to them less, I make myself busy, and I always continue to date. I am just dating right now and I don't know that I am ready for anything serious, but I know that if I came across a person I could have fun with and they were real, well I know that I wouldn't want to let them go. The way to safe guard myself from hurting someone, though, is by telling them I'm not looking for something serious, because one I'm not completely lying and two both of us can have a clean break in the end.

Regardless of how anyone sets themselves up in a relationship, break ups are hard. They are inevitable though. We have all had them, and most of them hurt for both parties involved.

Haven't Heard From You...

I haven't heard from you in a while, it's been 2 weekends since we talked and I haven't got a call. No message on my phone, nothing...not even to say hello.

I thought you cared, but it turns out you don't. I have left you alone and you can live your solo life in peace. Just remember, I don't need you either.

Regardless of all the good, I think the bad out weighed. And you're content with being alone and nothing can break your wall. So go on...don't turn around...and I'm gone...not coming back.

I can find someone new, I can suffice. I can be happy with out you, I am happy.

I'm strong, and I'm calling this a silent break-up, you go your way and I go mine. We don't have to look back.

I was fine before I met you, and now you're still insignificant in my life. so go on...don't turn around, because I'm gone...not coming back.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

2am Heartbeat

As we stand here, I'm wrapped in your arms,

it's 2am as you're holding me near,
believe it or not I wish time would stop,
I've never had anyone make me feel this way,

You're amazing, You're like the stars in the sky
As you hold me on this January night,
You're amazing, youre the light in my life, as you stand here by my side

You ask to keep me, but I'm already yours,
since the first day I saw you looking at me,
Thats the day I never wanted to say goodbye.
Because you were already mine.

You're amazing, You're like the stars in the sky, As you hold me on this January night, You're amazing, you're the light in my life, as you stand here by my side.

You stole my heart from that first minute. You said you'd do anything to prove everyone wrong. cause I was worth it and you're worth this song. So lets burn like hell until our fire is gone.

I guess regardless of whatever comes next you are amazing and I'll never forget,The night you you held me at 2am, you kissed my forehead, I wished it would never end.

Yes you're amazing, and I'll always be yours, and I've never had anyone, make me feel this way.

Friday, February 5, 2010

It never gives

She sits there constantly trying to reason with herself and continuing to be with him. He drags her down by cheating, lying, and verbal abuse. Yet, she continues stay. It's the same story on a different day. His lies never change, he never tries, but she keeps coming back. He picks at her insecurities, making her feel so unimportant to where she feels like no one will accept her for who she is.

Even though she is beautiful and smart, she lets him treat her as though she is less. It will never give. She asks for advice she never plans to take, and she keeps letting herself go though the repeating circle.

She is blinded by their past and the so called "future". Even though everyone around can see his deceit, she tries to see past it and pushes on towards what they "could have". The sad thing is now she will never change because he wont allow her to. They will never change because he controls what they will be. He wont let anyone make the move because he has her king in check.

He shackled her before she could make any choices. He maneuvered himself in the drives seat and is riding their relationship on the edge, scaring her to where she doesn't want to leave, because she doesn't want to be alone. The truth is this story was done in the beginning.