Saturday, December 27, 2008


Like the snow falling to the ground around us, you have made my walls come down. You take away all of my regrets; if I wasn’t where I was now, I would have never had these feelings. You make me light up and I have never seen myself this way. I hope I’m not being deceived, and I hope this is not my imagination. You stepped into my life as a gift, and with that said, I will never forget you. You will always have a piece of me no matter what we go through. The world continues to turn and now I feel like I am turning with it…with you. Maybe one day we will both be happy, maybe one day we will both find love, and maybe one day we will both be complete.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Past

So I wrote some stuff a while back like 5 years ago but I wanted to share it.

Never Gone

It will always be there now. The words he spoke linger in their halls. Every room has a bad memory except for her and her brothers. Those are the only places she can go to get away. Every time she hears breaking dishes or loud bangs it brings back all the fighting and yelling she has endured. It won't go away. Every hole in the wall imprints the hate and even after the anger is covered up, you an still see the fear.

She tries to bring happiness by being more upbeat but the discomfort of her mother brings her fathers roaring thunder. She turns the bath water on and lets it run through the drain, drowning out the screams below. Tiptoeing to her bedroom she turns on the radio until the noises subside. The words they shouted play over in her head. Every hateful word they said leaves so much anger and pain. She dreads every argument counting down the years, months, and days until she leaves.

Holding her brothers in her arms and closing her eyes, trying to get away form this hell. Her brother gently wipes the tears that slowing fall down her cheek. Tenderly, she tucks her brothers into bed and the sleep until early morning. When they wake all the fear is gone, only to know it will begin again later on.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

He is the one

The snow settled on the hard, frozen ground. She softly brushed her hair away from her dark, ocean blue eyes and smiled. She had longed to hear his voice since the first time she saw him. Her stomach felt as though millions of butterflies were flying inside. She never felt this emotion before and she continued to try and tell herself this emotion isn’t real. How could someone so amazing exist in a world where she had felt so alone and helpless for years? How could one man complete her life? She took a deep breath as her faced glowed of affection and love. She dreamed to be in his arms and to hold him near. Her heart was beating heavily and she couldn’t hold back her emotions anymore. She closed her eyes, leaned forward to kiss his soft, tender lips. When she got ready to embrace his kiss she opened her eyes and he was gone. She sat up out of bed and looked around frantically for the man her heart longed to be with. She let herself fall to her pillows as she came to a realization…it was all just a dream.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas thoughts

So...Christmas is coming. and it seems as though this year flew by. I am not sure if it was the fact that my little boy is grow up so quickly...

The one the left he was about 7 months and the on the the right he is 2!!!!

 is the times. Things have been difficult for everyone and that could have made this year go faster and in that case THANK YOU!!! Maybe next year will get better for everyone. I feel so horrible working in an apartment complex and seeing people forced to move because they can pay rent. AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO HELP! I just wish there was. It is the saddest thing to see a family not be able to provide fo their child and they work so hard just to scrap by and survive.

Possibly...that I was so busy trying to be superwoman...going to school full time, working full time, full time mom, wife and house maid haha.

Whatever the reason may be, all I know is the year went by so fast. So below I have made my list of things I wish to accomplish...

1. Be happy: I think sometimes people get stuck in a rut and forget that being happy is important to life. I dont want to be stuck in a situation where I wake up one moving and think, "God...who am I? What happened to me? When was the last time I smiled...really smile?

2. Show my sone how much I love him: I see to many people spanking their children and not explaining why they are in trouble. I see so much anger from parents to the children and not enough love. I want to be the mom who explains and understands. I don't want him to have one doubt in his mind that I don't love him :)!!!

3. Be forgiving: I am tired of being angry with people and not remembering why because it was last year and it was stupid. Life is only so long and I dont want to waste my time hating. People make matter how big...if they show any ounce of being sorry...I will forgive.

4. Go to school: I want to finish school in less than 4 years. I have taken so much time off but I want to get done and do what I want to do!

5. Remember what it feels like to be in love again: sometimes I seem to know I love my husband...but I can't remember what it is like to be "IN LOVE". I'm scared to lose what we had..but it might be lost. If we can be "IN LOVE" again I want to if we can't then I don't want to give up on the idea that I can be "IN LOVE" again.

6. Excersize more: I Know, I know. how cliche. But I think it is important that I make this a daily activity.

7. Keep eating healthy: I made a change last year for my health to change my diet. I did and Im doing great...Just want to keep it coming!

So to all Happy Holidays !!!!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Changing my life

Your words speak a true beauty to me that I have never had in my life.
I felt so lost until I met you.
You made me see myself again.
I forgot for so long who I was and I speak to you and remember the soul within me.
My whole body smiles and glows when I see you or speak with you.
I forget everything that worries me when you enter the room.
You amaze me and how you speak to my heart, and you may have no idea the impression you have made on me and my life will never be the same since I met you, and I don’t want it to.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Im Sorry!

I don’t want to lose this love, but I feel like it might be too much. You seem not to care for me anymore, I think we have lost our spark. I have tried to show you love and compassion and you seem to take it for granted. You are my one and only and have been for so long but after a while I got tired of trying and I am beginning to fall apart. I have come to the part where the record stops and the love fades away. I’m sorry you are hurt and that your heart is breaking, that is not my intention. My heart broke a long time ago, and I never wanted you to feel that pain. I am sorry it came to this, I am sorry we have to part. I just want you to be happy and I just want you to be true to who you are. If I’m not the one I want you to know I understand and will always love you and be here for you.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

who have you become

Have you given up on everything you once stood for? You had heart and soul and have you let it all go? I see you slipping into the background like you are nobody important, but you are. You are so different and so unpredictable. You deserve to show the world who you really are. Stop hiding behind fear and regret and start living for your happiness.

You fake your smile and you fake your life but I can see through you, even if no one else can. I know who you are and I know the mask you hide behind. You don’t look happy to me and I can see behind your walls. Those tears you cry aren’t hidden from me and the sorrow you keep inside I is framed around your face. Please open up, please don’t go away…please.

Monday, October 13, 2008

I think it may be time for a positive change!!!

Change can be hard but I have realized I am tried of living my life in the I will stage and I now I want to be the the DO stage. Change can be a wonderful thing, it really can. Making yourself change can be very hard and sometimes it can seem impossible. It isn't though. If I want to make things better I need to ask myself how am I going to make this change?? Instead of just talking with no action. So I have decided to come up with a list of things I want to accomplish. My husband and I are both doing this. One thing I really want us to work on is getting our marriage back to respecting eachother and helping eachother accomplish goals and celebrating the accomplishments together. I will get my list together and I will post it up here and my goal is to try and accomplish certain goals in a time frame and other goals, I just want to complete before I die. You know that goals that consist of "skydiving, going to Europe" things of that nature. This is a big step for me but it is time for a positive Change and that is ok!!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

1st time blogging

So I am a 1st timer. I was inspired by a classmate in my English 198 class. I love writing and this seems like a great outlet to get out my feelings and thoughts. If you have any suggestions or feedback, please, please, please leave some thought.

I will just tell you about me.

I am 22 married and have a beautiful baby boy. I love my life and realize everyday how lucky I am. I am very interested in helping people. I would really like to get involved with journalism and be able to travel the world, learn, and report to people. This type of work fascinates me.

I work full time and am full time in school. I work really hard and I know it can be an overload but I want to finish school and accomplish my goals. This is important to me and I want to lead by example and show my son and my younger brothers that no matter where you are in life you can accomplish any goals!!!!

So that is me in a nutshell, I am sure I will share more of my life with you as time goes on. Thanks to my classmate for introducing me to a different world :)!!!!