Monday, January 19, 2009
She closes her eyes and seeks the darkness within. The world seems to be closing in on her and she has no one to go to. Life seems to end for her as she begins to search for her meaning. There is nothing left for her. She’s tangled in mesh of confusion, and you keep hanging on to the unraveling thread. Please just let her go… she needs to stop feeling guilty and fucked up. Let her smile again; let her start her life again. She deserves nothing more than to look in the mirror and see the beauty that you have taken from her. Her life is slowly fading away as you stand over her and the blood dripping from your hands. You have left her with nothing during her last living moments. You just stare her in the eyes with tears cascading down your face but you don’t help her….you just stare.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I am sitting her numb as hell. I am so mystified and so lost. I have no idea why I am here and what I’m supposed to learn. I feel like sitting on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, and weeping. Why does life have to be so complex? I know there are people all around going through worse, but I still can’t release my pain. You waited so long and now you say you are back, you want to try. What does that mean, why did you wait so long? I haven’t cried for so long but I just feel the tears coming up and wanting to burst. What is this love? What will ever come of it, and why can’t we know what is best? I hate you for doing this to me and for making me question who I am and what I need. I hate you for being gone for so long and never trying to save this relationship, and now I don’t know if it can be saved. I feel like I have taken away who you are and what you believe, that was never my intention, I wanted you… all of you; now I don’t know who you are or who we are. I can’t kiss you without feeling like I’m kissing a stranger, I can’t hold you without wondering who I am holding. Can we ever get what we once had back? Can you ever be you, can I be me; and can we still be you and I? I don’t know if we can…I don’t know if I want that anymore.