Wednesday, February 3, 2010


He is on my mind all the time and I cant stand him. He makes me so angry, he is so selfish and so rude. He pulled me in, he said the sweetest things to me and then he just slapped me in the face. It was like a few months of happiness and excitement for nothing. He pretends to know me, know what I am about, but he doesn't. Then he say in a sarcastic tone, "you think you're unique and different like everyone else?" Well I am and, yes, so is everyone else. We are all different and we all deserve some respect regardless of our education, background, race, or sex. We are all people.

He did show me some things even if I hate him. He showed me what it was like to be looked at, I mean really looked at. He watched me, and he told me what he thought was beautiful about me. He made me believe he really thought I was graceful, beautiful, and special.

He is selfish, and self centered. He fears stepping out of his own box to see what is out there, but then he accuses me of doing the same thing. So hypocritical, so two faced. He gets me steamed up and angry at times, making me tell him things that I don't feel comfortable telling, but he has never opened up to me. He discusses personal issues in my life that are none of his business but he refuses to do the same.

As much as I enjoy spending time with him, holding him, kissing him, enjoying his company, having a beer with him, holding his hand, laughing with him.....I hate him. I hate how he makes me feel. I hate what he does to me. Our last conversation made me hate him the most. It is like he doesn't care about what the other person is about or how he treats them as long as the outcome works in his favor. As long as he feels satisfied with the outcome. He doesn't apologize and he doesn't care. That's fine, I don't care either, I just wish I knew he was like that because I would have not cared sooner than I did. I just need to get him out of my head because he he set in his ways and is who he is. I don't expect him to change, but I want someone who respects me, someone who will want me. He could never do those things, even if I wish he could.

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