Friday, January 2, 2009
Is it gone?
I am sitting her numb as hell. I am so mystified and so lost. I have no idea why I am here and what I’m supposed to learn. I feel like sitting on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, and weeping. Why does life have to be so complex? I know there are people all around going through worse, but I still can’t release my pain. You waited so long and now you say you are back, you want to try. What does that mean, why did you wait so long? I haven’t cried for so long but I just feel the tears coming up and wanting to burst. What is this love? What will ever come of it, and why can’t we know what is best? I hate you for doing this to me and for making me question who I am and what I need. I hate you for being gone for so long and never trying to save this relationship, and now I don’t know if it can be saved. I feel like I have taken away who you are and what you believe, that was never my intention, I wanted you… all of you; now I don’t know who you are or who we are. I can’t kiss you without feeling like I’m kissing a stranger, I can’t hold you without wondering who I am holding. Can we ever get what we once had back? Can you ever be you, can I be me; and can we still be you and I? I don’t know if we can…I don’t know if I want that anymore.