Invisible Neglected Supporter

Sometimes she feels like the invisible supporter,
She is always there, supporting and lending an ear,
and when they ask for advice she gives it.

Sometimes when the table is turned,
There is no one there to support her,
She feels alone, unwanted.

She watches people choose these bad people,
these bad choices, over good choices and it hurts her,
it hurts her to see them fail, continually.
Even though they could pick the great potential choices,
they choose the ones that bring them down.

She tries to close her eyes, hide the bad, see past them.
She can't ever get "past them".
They are a part of her and always will be.
People tell her to separate herself from them,
"it's not your life, it's not your worry"
but regardless of what they say,
she continues to care.

She knows there has to be a point where she lets go,
She moves on,
She lets them have their life with out letting it destroy hers,
will she, can she find it?

The Dating World

As I dip my feet into the dating world I am learning that I don't like it at all! It is so redundant and seems like a car crash waiting to happen. Every guy I date has something that I just can't stand. I am sure having been married and then always in some type of relationship, I have learned what I like and what I don't like. I can definitely say I am not willing to settle for someone who isn't confident with who they are and what they have in life.

I think the most frustrating thing about dating is my new outlook on men. I feel like most of them are after one thing, S.E.X. I am not interested in that at all and when you turn someone down it can end with two situations. Number one being that they don't call you back because they are upset they got shut down, or number two they pursue you harder even if you aren't interested they keep coming back.

Ok, ok I always knew that sex was something that most men, even woman, were focused on; I just never knew that it would be almost every guy I have dated. It's like no one wants to wait until the 3rd or 4th or even 20th date before they kiss or try to have sex. People seem to not be concerned about STD's or even getting to know the person. The person across the table from me knows nothing about who I am or what I do, and likewise me for them. I hear my guy friends tell me, "if you wait to have sex they will keep dating you, it is like a test. If you give in early then they stop calling because they either know you are easy or they got what they were after." This makes me laugh, a test! Men test woman with their penis?!? WOW! I'm not impressed!

Right now, I seem to have every guy I'm not interested in wanting me and every guy I am interested in not being interested in me. It really is a vicious cycle that I wish could end at some point, although, I don't think I really want a relationship. I have been single for about a year and I really enjoy the single life. I don't have the responsibility of checking in with anyone, I don't have to stress about someone elses life. All I have to worry about is me and my son. It's very rejuvenating and empowering.

I think the most interesting part of being single and dating is the advice my friends give me. I hear things like; "He is shady Lindsay, kick him to the curb!" "He is so controlling do you really want that?" "Oh you should meet my friend you two would be so good together!" "Men suck!". It really makes me laugh some of the advice I have been given, and I have to pick and choose which advice is good for me and which "words of wisdom" I would do better ignoring. Sometimes the advice I am given really helps though. I mean the opposite sex is so very confusing. I find myself analyzing every situation, every little detail, trying to figure out what he meant when he said he had to go to that bathroom in the middle of our conversation. It's quite ridiculous! I am not sure if this is something I am doing because I haven't dated in forever, or if I am just doing it because that's who I am.

I think the best advice I was given but am still trying to figure out how to use it was, " Lindsay stop thinking so hard about it, you are going to push yourself away thinking the worst when it isn't. Just relax and have fun." Maybe, one day, I will figure this out. Until then I am going to take my over analyzing ass back to the dating world a few more times and see if anything falls in my lap that is worth a second date.