From the day you entered my life I was destined to be the outsider,
You took away my life, my heart, my strength,
everything about you reeks of greed.
You claimed us as your own, changed our name, changer 'our' ways,
You made us yours and kept us under your command for years.
I was afraid to change, to be me, to explore, to be free,
You made me this way.
No one saw what I saw,
yet I accepted you and loved you and probably always will.
No one sees what I see,
The hurt, pain, neglect, and shame you put on us.
No one feels what I feel,
Distant, alone, separated, hurt.
You did this to us and to me,
yet I don't blame you,
I only keep wishing for the day you will pick up the phone and call,
The day you will apologize for what you have done,
The day you will grow up and become an adult and realize your faults.
Your faults don't make you a bad person, and it's ok to admit you have them,
What makes you a bad person is the blame you put on everyone around.
You blame me for the past, for the present, for the future,
You forget all the things I have done to get me where I am,
All the things I have endured,
The tears, the blood, the pain, the rejections.
All the other people that you want to accept you,
They all get your attention,
but those who have accepted you from day one,
Get turned away and put down,
Left to be forgotten.
I have chosen to let go,
I'm tired of holding on to you,
Tired of pretending that you will see who I am and love me for me,
I'm tired of feeling worthless and unsatisfied with myself.
Maybe one day you will see what you lost.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Circled by a selfish world
A realization about people has struck me,
People can be selfish and self centered,
Focused on their own life and their own outcomes,
Forgetting about those around them,
and the respect others deserve.
People like this can make you feel worthless,
unappreciated,
easily sacrificed,
I guess in a sense,
when put in that position,
You are in the end,
giving that person the happiness they are looking for,
giving them their own self satisfaction,
just by standing still and accepting their bull shit.
Do people change?
Do people even care to want to be good to those around them?
Sometimes I feel like questions like that don't exist in a self immersed world.
So many times have I been told:
"forget about them, they wouldn't be there for you",
"worry about yourself, no on else REALLY cares",
ect. ect. ect.
I continue to lend a hand out,
be the shoulder to lean on,
catch those when they fall,
yet here I am sprawled on the ground,
looking straight through the double sided mirror,
I see them, I scream, I wave, I reach out,
Yet they walk on past.
It can be a sad world when a heart is empty,
and when a soul is cold.
People can be selfish and self centered,
Focused on their own life and their own outcomes,
Forgetting about those around them,
and the respect others deserve.
People like this can make you feel worthless,
unappreciated,
easily sacrificed,
I guess in a sense,
when put in that position,
You are in the end,
giving that person the happiness they are looking for,
giving them their own self satisfaction,
just by standing still and accepting their bull shit.
Do people change?
Do people even care to want to be good to those around them?
Sometimes I feel like questions like that don't exist in a self immersed world.
So many times have I been told:
"forget about them, they wouldn't be there for you",
"worry about yourself, no on else REALLY cares",
ect. ect. ect.
I continue to lend a hand out,
be the shoulder to lean on,
catch those when they fall,
yet here I am sprawled on the ground,
looking straight through the double sided mirror,
I see them, I scream, I wave, I reach out,
Yet they walk on past.
It can be a sad world when a heart is empty,
and when a soul is cold.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The Unexplainable
Sometimes life can't explain the little things that can make you happy.
Something or someone can come out of know where and just make you smile.
The world can feel lonely at times,
and depression can have you at your worst,
but then out of nowhere,
the unexplainable snaps life back into you.
Something that makes your realize,
that life isn't as short as you thought it was,
that it's ok to be happy,
it's ok to smile,
It's ok to not let your bad days get you down.
Sometimes happiness can come at a price.
Whether the price invloves money, future heartache, or other pain,
Sometimes for the slight time,
it's all worth it regardless of the outcome,
it's like that little high.
Something or someone can come out of know where and just make you smile.
The world can feel lonely at times,
and depression can have you at your worst,
but then out of nowhere,
the unexplainable snaps life back into you.
Something that makes your realize,
that life isn't as short as you thought it was,
that it's ok to be happy,
it's ok to smile,
It's ok to not let your bad days get you down.
Sometimes happiness can come at a price.
Whether the price invloves money, future heartache, or other pain,
Sometimes for the slight time,
it's all worth it regardless of the outcome,
it's like that little high.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Shout out To my friends Blog
My friend recently started a blog about Technology. It is a review type site, that gathers and discusses opinions on new technological advances in society. Please, if you get a chance, check it out, leave a comment, take a quiz, or leave your opinion. It can get you away from my depressing shit for a day hahaha!
The site is: www.nickstechviews.blogspot.com .
The site is: www.nickstechviews.blogspot.com .
Motionless
I lay here as mascara bleeds down my face,
You pin me down, grasp my wrists,
You won't let me go, and I feel alone.
It hurts...the way you make me feel,
You use and abuse me as if I were a doll.
I feel wrothless and disappointed by you.
I try to scream but the alcohol drowns out my voice,
You ignore my tears and continue to push yourself on to me,
You won't let me go, and I can't struggle myself free.
You attack me and contort my body against yours,
No matter how hard I pull,
You have all the control.
Finally, I give up and give in to your power,
You win and I'm wishing I was dying.
You smile and I cringe and you know what you've done,
You're like a drug, an addiction, that I can't shake free from.
You pin me down, grasp my wrists,
You won't let me go, and I feel alone.
It hurts...the way you make me feel,
You use and abuse me as if I were a doll.
I feel wrothless and disappointed by you.
I try to scream but the alcohol drowns out my voice,
You ignore my tears and continue to push yourself on to me,
You won't let me go, and I can't struggle myself free.
You attack me and contort my body against yours,
No matter how hard I pull,
You have all the control.
Finally, I give up and give in to your power,
You win and I'm wishing I was dying.
You smile and I cringe and you know what you've done,
You're like a drug, an addiction, that I can't shake free from.
The Let Down
The feeling is sensational,
The way someone can make you feel amazing,
butterflies fluttering in your stomach,
Smiles elongated across your face,
Rosy cheeks, and bright eyes,
Everything feels right.
Then the day comes,
The spit in the face,
The fall from the clouds,
Push down the stairs,
Rain drops from the heavens.
They let you down.
You had let yourself go,
Gave it a chance,
Put faith in trying...one more time,
Now you're left all alone,
Knees tucked into chest,
Tears trailing across your skin.
Maybe you aren't so much sad,
More so confused...
Thoughts linger through your mind,
Your body shows confusion,
Lost faith, lost hope, lost trust, lost drive.
Letting go maybe be easy,
but moving on is hard.
Forgetting all those feelings isn't as hard as you though,
but getting them back is harder than you remember.
Lust and love are no longer good feelings,
they turn into dreams, lies, and wishes.
The let down, the break up, the split...
The end.
The way someone can make you feel amazing,
butterflies fluttering in your stomach,
Smiles elongated across your face,
Rosy cheeks, and bright eyes,
Everything feels right.
Then the day comes,
The spit in the face,
The fall from the clouds,
Push down the stairs,
Rain drops from the heavens.
They let you down.
You had let yourself go,
Gave it a chance,
Put faith in trying...one more time,
Now you're left all alone,
Knees tucked into chest,
Tears trailing across your skin.
Maybe you aren't so much sad,
More so confused...
Thoughts linger through your mind,
Your body shows confusion,
Lost faith, lost hope, lost trust, lost drive.
Letting go maybe be easy,
but moving on is hard.
Forgetting all those feelings isn't as hard as you though,
but getting them back is harder than you remember.
Lust and love are no longer good feelings,
they turn into dreams, lies, and wishes.
The let down, the break up, the split...
The end.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Fake
You wear a ironed on smile every time you pass by,
I see you, and get goosebumps with every fictitious lie.
You pretend to know and like everyone,
Then you turn around and pretend to dislike me,
just to fit in.
You are no better than everyone else,
in fact you make yourself worse.
Being "cool" is a game to you,
Being "known" is a part of your life.
But your age weighs you down,
and you look like a god damn fool.
You are tied down by your appearance,
refuse to dissolve what weighs you down,
eventually,
what goes around comes around,
I can't say I won't laugh a little inside,
to you see you crumble and fall,
and possibly alone.
At the same time,
I feel a little bad,
but I won't reach out to help you,
You have to learn to help yourself first.
I see you, and get goosebumps with every fictitious lie.
You pretend to know and like everyone,
Then you turn around and pretend to dislike me,
just to fit in.
You are no better than everyone else,
in fact you make yourself worse.
Being "cool" is a game to you,
Being "known" is a part of your life.
But your age weighs you down,
and you look like a god damn fool.
You are tied down by your appearance,
refuse to dissolve what weighs you down,
eventually,
what goes around comes around,
I can't say I won't laugh a little inside,
to you see you crumble and fall,
and possibly alone.
At the same time,
I feel a little bad,
but I won't reach out to help you,
You have to learn to help yourself first.
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